:: I thought I was dreaming... when I saw you that night

:: Today I had a croissant for breakfast and that shit was fucking delicious

:: Last night drank scotch listening to INXS, Eurythmics and Mew with the boys, shooting the shit about having kids and that sort of grown-up talk. Good times!

:: Got some photos developed from the housewarming... a couple of good ones but they're all underexposed because that camera is stuck in 1600 ISO setting and the film was 400 ISO. I need to find a way to reset it or something

:: Tonight getting my hair cut and buying socks, then after I get changed heading out to some pub near where Sparks works called Miss Libertines... carte blanche from that point on

:: New Metallica album out sometime soon... fuck YES

:: Fucked up my arm climbing a tree last night to try and get a shot looking out over the docklands at sunset... and didn't end up getting it. I'll go back another time with a tripod and try to find a better spot so I can actually keep the camera still and get the right exposure

:: In the mean time...

  • Current Music
    thunder - love walked in
  • Tags

:: sunday night chill session

:: Today was pretty much the best day of my life. Like a lot of days lately, I find myself wondering what exactly I've done to deserve such an exceptional quality of living. Here's the weekend rundown:

:: Friday ::
:: Cruisy day at work, spent most of it working on my new story
:: Worked a bit late, knocked off around 5:30 and met Sophia & Sparks at the pub for a pint
:: Ben arrived at the pub and after another drink, we went and picked up the food for dinner & some booze
:: Carl, Ania, Harry, Hampas & Lewis came over, we got into some drinks and made hamburgers on the BBQ (tasty as fuck FYI)

:: Saturday ::
:: Woke up feeling very sorry for myself, but perked up after a shower and some OJ
:: Walked into the city with Ben to pick up some things for the party (housewarming/Ben's bday)
:: Went for a wander around Chinatown looking at random shit and chewing the fat
:: Went down to that awesome lane off Flinders with all the cafes and graf (the name of which escapes me) and grabbed a coffee on the way to the art supplies store
:: Picked up some Sharpies and a canvas for the party - we hung the canvas and asked everyone to draw something, and it turned out sweet
:: Grabbed some subs and headed home
:: Drove out to Bunnings to pick up the lantern strings
:: Back home, cleared out the garage, moved the lounges and hung the lights, set up the bar for the party
:: Went to pick up the food and booze w/ Sparks
:: Made jelly shots and got the food ready, started on the drinks waiting for people to show up
:: Knocked up a playlist for the party and started up the sound system
:: Hampas, Carl & Lewis arrived, made a big bowl of peach daquiri
:: "SPARKY'S PARTY BREW" is born - goon punch in a 10 litre bucket
:: Filled up the camelback with party brew and strapped Sparks in for what was to become a very messy night
:: Lucas arrived with a lamp and had a few drinks, then left to make an appearance at another party
:: People began arriving, including a visiting Perth goon who was good value
:: Things begin to get blurry... the daquiris and jelly shots were a hit, and there was plenty of scotch+coke complemented by a couple of joints doing the rounds
:: Met a bunch of new people, though can't remember much of what I said to any of them. There was one delightful young lady named Tess from Ben's work though - she made an impression ;)
:: We had to make a new batch of SPARKY'S PARTY BREW... twice - apparently goon punch is such a hit that people managed to drink 30 litres of it
:: At some point I inexplicably went for a walk to Flagstaff Gardens with no shoes on, and pretty much got frostbite
:: Cooked the BBQ at some point
:: All in all, a fucking ace night and I think everyone had a good time. Nothing was broken and there was no drama - just good old fashioned merrymaking and bliss

:: Sunday ::
:: Woke up early, everyone else was still in bed
:: Showered, had some OJ
:: Read the paper and played guitar for a few hours
:: When everyone woke up, Ben and I went for a wander to that same laneway
:: Found a likely looking joint and grabbed some coffee and an all day breaky
:: Sat around for an hour or so soaking up the ambience and discussing our travel plans
:: Wandered on home, working out what we'd pack for the trip. Basically clothes aside, all I could think of that I'd take is my cameras, some notebooks (Moleskine of course) and an ipod. The only other thing that I can even think of to take is my laptop, which I've already decided I probably won't take, and maybe a guitar, which I definitely won't take. Looks like I'll be travelling very light, which is good
:: Back home, cleaned up and moved all the furniture back where it's supposed to be
:: Shared a joint with the boys, sat around in The Patio Section drawing, taking photos and shooting the breeze
:: Made mustard & garlic canapes with roast vegetables for dinner, had a glass of scotch+coke

:: It's about 10pm now, and basically since about 5 all we've done is sit around chatting, eating, drinking, listening to music and flipping through magazines. Ben made some progress on tatt designs, and Sparks drew a pretty sweet gorilla... I got some great photos and knocked it out of the park with my first ever attempt at canapes, so all told I think we had a pretty productive day. I'm knocking back a lemon ruski and we're about to watch a movie... a half dozen times tonight we've all just looked at each other and smiled, and commented on how we can't believe how lucky we are to have such a sweet place. I'm almost regretting that I know I'll have to leave this place so soon, because it's by far the best lifestyle we've ever had, and probably easily the sweetest pad we'll have for quite a while. I suspect we may be going to get slammed with some bad luck to make up for it in the future, but all that's to be done is to enjoy it while it lasts and hope there's no such thing as luck karma - or that if there is, this is good karma coming around for past suffering.

:: This is what a Sunday night on Spencer St looks like...

  • Current Music
    a perfect circle - pet
  • Tags
smile cat

:: so terribly fucked up

:: Last night I had a hellishly intense nightmare... what made it so terrifying is that I went insane in the dream, and then I woke up and I absolutely couldn't shake it - I thought the dream was real, and I tossed and turned and groaned in my bed for half an hour trying to snap out of it. Imagine, if you can, something along the lines of Primer meets Event Horizon meets Dresden Codak meets The One. The details are a little hazy, as always, but it went as follows:

:: The chronology is a little fucked up, but basically at some point I reached the situation where I lived in what could best be described as a laboratory. There was concrete floors, white walls, and long winding halls with lots of doors. Most of it was underground, but I remember a room with a window, though everything took place inside.

:: First, try to get your head around this idea. Basically, I was running a thought experiment, and trying to explain it to someone (I don't remember who) by saying that the second I did something - anything at all - I was creating a universe parrallel to the one where I had not done it. I was trying to illustrate this fact by moving a hacky sack across a table, and saying that there now existed 2 universes - one in which the toy was at it's original position, and one in which it was where I had moved it.

:: I realise that this is batshit and makes no sense, but in the dream it was happening and when I woke up I absolutely could not shake faith that it was real and legitimate. I was trying to explain this same concept again, perhaps to the same person (I'm not sure) and I was doing it in the room with a window. For some reason I had now put the hacky sack in the microwave and turned it on. In the room there was a bird cage with 2 budgies in it - one blue, one green.

:: While the microwave was running, I let the birds out of the cage, and tried to illustrate that now there was a "potential reality" in which they were caged, and a potential reality - which we were in - in which they had been released.

:: It's hard for me to pin down a timeline, because in the dream I performed this "experiment" countless times, over and over and over trying to prove and/or understand what was happening. There was a clear event, though, where I was performing the experiment for whoever this mystery person was, and I already knew what was going to happen - I was trying to show them.

:: I ran through it, the same as before; I turned the microwave on, and let the birds out of the cage. I remember staring the person dead straight in the eyes, and waiting for the microwave to stop. Then I said calmly "So what the hell is this?" and I pointed to the floor.

:: This is the precise point at which things went to shit.

:: On the floor were the two birds. One blue, one green. They were broken and bleeding, and feathers lay on the floor around them. They were alive, but shaking and retching, as if they were about to die.

:: The same two birds were also in the cage, with the door shut, in perfect health.

:: Somehow, the two "potential realities" had been pulled together and made to overlap. The birds in the cage were fine, as if nothing had ever happened to them, but the birds that had been released were utterly fucked and died soon after. It was as if the released birds had been pulled from one reality into another, and this was more than a living thing could handle.

:: So... now fast forward a bit. I began to obsess over this, and I set myself up a crude lab, and did the experiment over and over and over again, and started writing endless notes and papers on it. I was trying to understand it and quantify it with my not-so-great understanding of science, because I didn't want to take it to anyone else until I understood it. Thousands upon thousands of times I "created" the two broken and bleeding birds, and I remember feeling intense sadness about it, and I was starting to lose it a bit.

:: At some point I discovered that I could do the same thing with other objects, and on pay day I took a thousand dollars out of the bank. I turned the microwave on, then picked up the money and put it in a shoebox. When the microwave stopped, the money was back on the table, and in the shoebox as well. I started doing this over and over, doubling my money, with the ultimate goal of trying to buy an audience with Stephen Hawking so that I could explain to him my theory and hope he could understand it.

:: The last thing I remember from the dream itself is somehow creating another copy of myself. I met myself, which was fucked. Luckily the me from a parrellel reality didn't have a moustache or try to kill me. All he said was "I've been waiting for this to happen. Do you realise that there's a few thousand of us in a few thousand realities wondering where their birds went? You stole their birds, in a way. I won't interfere, but I'll be here to take over in case anything happens to you." And with that, he disappeared into the maze of white halls with lots of doors.

:: This just did my head in and I felt like I was literally going insane and losing all grip on reality. I woke up, but I was still convinced the dream was real, and that I actually could pull birds from a parrallel universe with a microwave, and I thrashed around losing my mind for a good half an hour. I gradually started to get a grip, and I think I fell back asleep at some point. When I woke up again I was back to normal, but I could still remember the sheer terror and insanity... it scared the shit out of me.

:: Fucked, huh? I think I might try to turn it into a short story sometime.

:: the quiet, deadly ticking of a thousand hungry clocks

:: I woke a touch shy of 5am, still a bit drunk and restless. My room was lit in a pale blue, from the street lamp outside, and I wandered to the bathroom to wash my face. I drank a few glasses of water and tried to go back to sleep. After meeting with no measure of success at all, I had a shower and made some coffee. I ate some toast and read The Rum Diary in front of the heater for a few hours. Ben woke at about 7, and staggered around the house squinting. I made another coffee and got dressed, and after some deliberation about which sunglasses to wear skipped out the door with book in hand.

:: I sauntered down Spencer and up La Trobe, making little puffs of fog with my breath (which always amuses me immensely) and smiling at the passers-by. It occurred to me that perhaps I had drunk too much coffee, but - as the Good Doctor would say - buy the ticket; take the ride. I read a few pages as I waited for the #57 tram to North Melbourne, and did my best not to breathe in car exhaust. 10 minutes on the tram later and I was ringing the little bell at the parcel collection window of the post office, which was opened by a short chinese man. He took more than 5 minutes to find my parcel, and I suspect that he actually played a game of Solitaire before he looked. Once the parcel (a poster tube... with posters in it) was delivered to me I hopped the tram back to work and finished off my book.

:: Now... I suppose I should look productive for at least a short while, lest my boss enquire too rigorously into exactly what tune I'm singing for my supper. Once more unto the breach, dear friends ;)

:: Oh, did I neglect to mention? We had a multi-millionaire over for scotch last night. Interesting fellow.

:: "Gentleman's Club" is a savage misnomer

:: Interesting weekend. I'm a bit muddled today, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. I'm still trying to work out exactly what 'mode' I should be in right now; I'm not sure if I should be taking advantage of relative good fortune and enjoying the general good vibes floating around at the moment or if I should be living extra tight to save money for leaving the country. I'm inclined toward the latter but I need to find my footing and reach an equilibrium with the cash flow first. The weekend, in brief:

:: Friday ::
:: Knocked off work at 4 and went downstairs to the bar with Russel for a couple of beers and some office bonding
:: Went for a wander round the city, bought some books (The Rum Diary and The Picture of Dorian Gray) and generally enjoyed the mood of a cool Friday night in the city, traffic everywhere and lots of pretty lights. I walked home a different way to usual to take in some new architecture... delicious much
:: When I got home Sparks and Hampas were playing Fable and wanted to get stoned. A quick trip to the corner shop for papers and burgers and off we went
:: Fast forward a few hours, and I've met a fucking stunning girl from England named Sarina, then proceeded to unceremoniously spew in her bathroom sink, a move I have sorely regretted since
:: We jumped a tram into the city, and after the rest of the group jumped in a cab without us, Ben and I ended up visiting a gentleman's club (in which I discovered no gentleman, for the record) and shooting some pool over a few glasses of scotch & coke
:: It was Ben's first time in a strip club so to pop his cherry we checked out their hourly "show", which I can't say I was overly impressed by. I've only been to a few strip clubs, but this one was by far the least classy. The only reason we wandered in there is because Sophia and Ania used to work there (as waitresses, not dancers) and Ben was wondering exactly what kind of smut den his girlfriend was bringing home lucrative tips from
:: Ben and I got back to our place at about 4, and the others were still out. We shared a joint and watched a bit of Sione's Wedding, then Ben went to bed. I did a bit of reading until Sparks and Sophia got home, then after a quick chat went to bed myself about 5:30

:: Saturday ::
:: Woke up about lunchtime, showered, and headed to IKEA with Ben & Sophia
:: Fast forward to 7pm, and we've spent $550 at IKEA and Bunnings, and our garage is henceforth referred to as "the patio section", which now contains 2 couches and a coffee table, a BBQ, a variety of potted palm trees and a rather fetching rug
:: Ben and I did a lap of coles and somehow managed to spend another $160 on food and a few missing kitchen trinkets, not counting the bottle of John Samson
:: We christened the new BBQ with mustard & garlic steaks with veggies over a few scotch & cokes, then spent the rest of the night on the patio chatting, reading, drawing and listening to A Perfect Circle
:: Special mention to my boastworthy dessert effort - kiwi & lime sauce over ice cream
:: Sparks and I ended up sitting out there until around 4 just chewing the fat and sketching... not a terribly stressful way to spend a few hours, I must say

:: Sunday ::
:: Woke up late again, had a snack (toasted ham/cheese/mustard sambos on multigrain rolls... om nom nom) and went with Ben to meet Jake in the city
:: Wandered round for a few hours shopping, checking out clothes and books and such. I always tend to get bored a little when I go shopping with those two, because they have a tendency to talk about nothing but clothes and spend hours in each shop trying things on or reading everything on the rack
:: We got home late afternoon, shortly after Sparks' work friends (including aforementioned stunning English girl) had arrived. Spent the evening chatting with them, having a few drinks and joints, and cooking parma because they were leaving Melbourne today and had never had one
:: After the girls left, I spent a few hours reading and jotting random things down in my notebook, then made a milkshake and eventually went to bed for some much needed rest

:: Liable to crack a self, falling thusly. Best & most original thing I've seen in a while... the author put it best in saying that it started "as an exercise in surrealism, and has evolved into a wandering psychedelic epic." It comes as recommended reading for all of you

:: I took some photos over the weekend of our hijinks and The Patio Section™ (thanks Hunter) but half were on film which I haven't had developed yet and the rest I haven't got around to taking off my camera. Maybe tomorrow...

:: As I mentioned before I'm still not entirely sure what 'mode' I should be in for the rest of the year. I'm locked into this lease for 6 months (and wouldn't want to leave sooner anyway, the place rocks) at the end of which Sophia and Rebecca will (or should be) gone and we'll need to re-evaluate the situation.

:: As I see it, my options are to try and keep things pretty quiet for this time; stick to my books and hang out mostly at home to try and get money put away, or to party hard and try to actually meet some people (specifically some uh, female people, who have been conspicuously absent for a few years) and "enjoy my youth", as is apparently the fad. I think at the heart of it what I really need is a hybrid of the two, because I don't want to trash the energy and good shift in habits I've developed since I moved by going back to being a shut-in, but I also don't want to end up stuck here forever because I blew all my money and brain cells out the window. As long as I can hang onto the optimisim and forward momentum I've got right now, I think I'll be happy with that, anyway

:: Time for some new diversions, hope y'all had a good weekend too. Adios!

:: if I told you what it tasted like, you'd never eat calamari again

:: One of my hard drives died... the one that held all of my photos, all of my web work, all of my isos and drivers, and a significant chunk of of my music. Basically, this blows. There's a chance I'll be able to salvage it, but to do that I need a drive with 200GB free and a copy of Spinrite that I'm in no position to acquire.

:: Fortunately, I had a copy of the photography folio on my laptop - including the original high res photos - so I can still get prints made, but there's a bunch of photos I've taken since I arrived in Melbourne that are potentially lost, as well as all our old videos and photos. Guess who's backing up to DVD from now on?

:: Haunted is fucking awesome, and so far every bit as good as Chuck's other stuff. The most memorable line so far would have to be "As the French would say, who doesn't love to get their butt sucked?"

:: You know that saying "burning the candle both ends"? I'm pretty much just throwing the candle in the fire. Bon Jovi said it best: until I'm 6 feet under, baby I don't need a bed - gonna live while I'm alive I'll sleep when I'm dead

:: Life continues to fucking rule. Stay tuned!
  • Current Music
    fleetwood mac - sisters of the moon
  • Tags
wong kar wai

:: please return your seat backs to the upright position

:: In a pleasant departure from the norm, I honestly would struggle to find a way to be happier with my life right now. I just moved into an amazing apartment with some awesome people, I have a killer job, this city is incredible and the weather is particularly agreeable. I'm thinner than I've been in about 6-7 years, I've kicked a bunch of nasty habits (and picked up some good ones) and I'm actually using my time for a wondrous array of productive and enjoyable things, rather than staring at a screen wishing I was someone or somewhere else. Pretty much everything I hoped to change by moving here, I have, and things are getting better every day. It's easy to get over-enthusiastic about such things, but this really is the best I've felt about myself and my life in years, and my friends have noticed it as well. Fuck yeah Team Matty, etc.

:: Our new place is incredible. The location couldn't really be better, and it suits our lifestyle so perfectly. I haven't got any photos yet, but I'll take some "before" shots tonight to go with the "after" shots I'll be taking next week after we trick it out. Ben and I went to Bunnings yesterday to scope out a few bits and pieces, and we have some pretty killer ideas. We both get paid this week so this weekend coming we're rocking the DIY and setting the place up like a fucking palace.

::The kitchen/lounge opens onto the garage through a sliding door, and the garage has a transparent roof. We've got one couch out there already, and we have another and some bean bags lined up. Throw in a rug, some pot plants, turntable and some mood lighting, and we have one hell of a place to kick back.

:: The loungeroom is pretty small but has a gas heater that's made to look like a real fire and absolutely fucking pumps out the heat. The telly and consoles fit in there OK and it serves it's purpose, but I think the garage is going to be the real area for chilling out when we're not playing games or watching something.

:: My room is a bit spartan at the moment - mattress on the floor, makeshift desk, guitar stands and a basket of clothes, basically - but it's killer. Mine is the smaller of the 3 rooms and has no built-in, but the trade off is that it has a window, which the others do not. The downside to this is rowdy drunk cunts roll past on the weekend, and the upshots are that I can get some fresh air and some light during the day. The boys have already got their rooms suitably cave-like, and I shudder to think what Sparks' will smell like in a few months :P

:: I have some movies lined up to watch - flicks I picked up a while back but haven't gotten around to watching properly yet. Werckmeister Harmonies is at the top of the list, followed by a few Bergman films I've been meaning to watch for a long time. I want to find a copy of Citizen Kane, which I still haven't seen, but at the moment we have no 'net access and I'm not sure if there's any video stores near the new place.

:: I'm not really reading anything at the moment, but I likewise have a few lined up. I still haven't read Haunted and I have a couple HK gave me at christmas (1 & 2)I haven't gotten around to yet either.

:: This is the most awesome thing I've seen in ages. (Kylie, this one is for you, by the way)

:: On Thursday I went with Jake & Ben to a talk panel at ACMI about violence in games (and more specifically it's effect on children) that was excellent. Ben hadn't wanted to come until he found out one of the speakers he knew from Bond, but I think that's largely because he underestimated the caliber of the panel members. The presentations were great, and the questions were (mostly) intelligent and relevant. After the talk Ben and I had a chat to the speakers (while Jake tried to tune up the only girls in the audience - Classic Jake™) and it was a good chance to discuss a few things on a more organic level. The Sunday prior Jake and I went to another panel about the Australian games industry, which wasn't quite as interesting, but a good diversion nonetheless. I'm not sure what the next panel will be, but ACMI has so far been knocking it out of the park when it comes to convincing me Melbourne kicks ass.

:: Anyway... I'm running the office myself today and apart from moving a PC in the library and taking a few calls I haven't done a fucking thing, so I'd better get some shit done. Or at least pretend to while I look at CG Channel.

:: Adios!

afterwards we all felt saved

:: actually, I just wanted to show off this kickass picture of a grasshopper

:: this weekend I move into an apartment on spencer st
:: I am so god damn fucking sick of not having my own room, so this is a good thing

:: need ideas for the housewarming party and interior decorating... any?

:: rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated

:: hello, ladies

:: I just typed a big spiel about what was going on with work and housing and all that shit, but it occurred to me that y'all likely have neither the time nor inclination to read it, so here's the short version...

:: work ::
sys admin for the racv club. I wear a suit, which sucks. they have free drinks in the staff kitchen, which rocks

:: house ::
is getting knocked down. so we need a new place. which is proving rather difficult. there's some dorm style flats we looked at that are cheap (110pw) but a bit seedy, and currently the other option is paying 150pw to share a room in a big place - fuck that

:: life ::
interesting. the last 2 months or so have been a huge change of pace. some things have been pretty intense and I've found myself doing a fair bit of soul searching, so to speak. I wouldn't say I'm happier, exactly, and I wouldn't say I'm worse off... just everything has been more intense. on the whole, though, I would say I've had a really amazing time and learned a bit about myself even in just a short time
:: it feels like things are at a bit of a turning point at the moment... I've just started working again, and we're about to move. I think the living arrangements I end up with are going to hugely affect the direction life goes in for the next 6 months, and I don't feel like I have much control over them, so it's a little crazy. stay tuned

:: internet ::
believe it or not, I actually enjoy not having it

:: photos ::
haven't really been taking any. it's on the to-do list

:: the ocean ::
since I got here I've preoccupied with the sea for some reason. it's so beautiful

:: so yeah, anyway. things are different. to be expected, really.
:: I set out in search of adventure, and I found some
:: I set out to learn where I was going... but I'm still working on that

:: take care, my friends

running away, running away
running into the weather
with only thoughts of finding home